PPD and Postpartum

It was a few weeks of feeling exceptionally down. I knew something was wrong with me, and I knew I shouldn't have felt this way. We all hear PPD symptoms, and I figured I had it, but how to tell someone I need help. Was anyone seeing that I needed help without me asking that I needed help?

One day my dad asked me what was wrong. Finally, someone was asking! But when he asked and I wanted to respond, but I couldn't! I started to cry because I thought, " How can I say how I feel out loud. It sounds so horrible." All I did was cry and cry in front of my dad until I had the guts to tell him, " I made a mistake of having a child." He said, "is that why you're crying?" and I cried even more. He hugged me and then listened to me. He reassured me that he, my mom, sister, husband, and anyone else will always be there to help me. He also told me not to be ashamed of asking for help, that parenting is never easy, even though my mother makes it seem like it is. He said to me that "you will never be ready to have a child," that regardless of having a baby now or in 5 years, that the feelings would still be there. I thank my dad for helping me and giving me the moment and the safe space to talk about my true feelings. I knew I had to call my therapist, but I didn't.

I waited three more days for me to go to have my over-the-phone postpartum appointment. I was upset that I had an over-the-phone appointment for my six-week checkup. I am not a Dr and have no idea if this c-section scar looked good or not, but I did know that I felt upset for six weeks. I got connected with a Psychiatrist who referred me to PPD support group, which was a tremendous help. The healthcare system has to change when it comes to postpartum care. There has to be a follow-up sooner than the six weeks. Regardless of pandemics, we have to see a physician in person, which I did a week later after putting a complaint.

Overall, I got the assistance I needed. I completed the PPD support group, met wonderful mothers, and grew from the experience. I continue therapy sessions. It's been one year since I started, and it has helped me stay grounded. I have learned excellent coping skills and feel great. Therapy for me is genuinely self-care, and I think that it makes me a better mother.

I still have my days of feeling overwhelmed, but it makes everything better when I see my daughter's smile. The connection that I have with her is fantastic. I took my time with my feelings, with her, having a learning experience that made me better. I love my child so much; it's unexplainable. I hope one day I will be able to have another child. Yes, even going through what I did, I want another baby.

I know it sounds crazy, after all the things I have said and wrote. Tell me a few months ago; I would say absolutely NO. But feelings change, and you grow stronger.

I am aware of my emotions, I know where to seek help, and I know my family is now aware of how I show my feelings and the red flags.

By being honest about my feelings and opening up about my experiences, I have learned that most mothers and new parents feel like that. Parenthood is hard work, your feelings change, and life changes overall. It's a new chapter in our lives, and just like marriage is hard work, parenting is as well.