Motherhood vs Workforce

I am currently fighting an internal battle of choosing motherhood or my career. I have cried multiple times trying to figure out what I actually want in life at the moment. I'm not sure if it’s coming from knowing I’ll have to go back into the office and not seeing my baby during my breaks and lunch or being on leave due to my surgery and not working. It’s probably the fear of missing out on my baby. I have FOMO, and it’s definitely real. 

I never saw myself as a stay-at-home mom because I have the career goals I want to accomplish. I remember eagerly wanting to go back to work after having Valentina and putting my job first, feeling that work was my purpose in life. Now that I have a child, she’s my purpose in life. Work can come and go, they see people as numbers, but my daughter sees me as a mom, the love of her life. Though at times I see that I do need to work to provide for her and make sure she has the best possible life she can have, time goes by so fast. I know I’m not the only mother out there going through this same thing. We are always ever-changing and growing. Then there are times where I want to continue working so I can have MY ME time. Going back to the office for a day or 2, I can leave the house because being at home does take a toll on everyone. 

Sometimes I wish jobs were more flexible on hours, PTO, and sick time. Some companies are already moving in that direction, especially after this pandemic, but I think this might be another topic of conversation. 

Now back to my feelings, I am dreading to go back to the office every single day.  Sometimes I wish I was in another position where I can fully quit my job and be a stay-at-home mother and dedicate my time to my child, but unfortunately, I can’t. I fully understand and still decided to have kids knowing that, but boy, it’s hard when you are actually a mother. I have cried over this and talked it out with my husband about our plans for the future. My life, emotions, and surroundings are changing daily as a mother, and god only knows how life will be tomorrow or in a few months and continue to pursue my career goals. Till then, ill be a working momma. Wish me luck!