I prayed as I’ve never prayed before.
I was alone at the hospital, and so many nurses and Dr's were coming in. I was seriously getting an anxiety attack. Since I was there for observation, they did not allow my husband to come in. They told me I had to stay overnight and did not have a room yet. It was so hard for me to sleep that night, thinking of all the possibilities on how this night might go. Plus, when you have a monitor around your tummy and nurses coming in, you can't relax or sleep.
In the morning, they told me that my baby was not growing and considered an IUGR baby, which meant Intrauterine growth restriction where the baby is not growing according to gestational age. My baby also had Duodenal Intestinal Artesia, which she would need surgery right after she is born. Which usually, around 40% of babies with duodenal artesia have down syndrome. My whole world came crumbling down. How was this all happening? And I had no idea until now.
I cried all alone, and I guess I cried pretty loud since I had my nurse come in and comfort me. I asked if my husband could join me ASAP because I need that support. I called my parents and my husband and told them the news. I cried again, and when I hung up the phone, I prayed as I've never prayed before. I asked God to give me the strength to accept all the things I couldn't change and help in whatever is needed to make me a great parent.
I had such great support from my husband, family, and friends that prayed right away. For the health of the baby especially. The baby was tiny, and what would happen if she needed surgery. That was what was running through my mind. I stayed there for a few days and left back home because the baby was doing well and, we needed more time to be able to deliver safely. I went back to the hospital because my placenta was shutting down slowly. I put a lot of pressure on myself during these days because I felt like I have failed my unborn child. That my body was not doing what it's supposed to do; maybe I wanted to be a mom so bad, but it wasn't happening for a reason, and me pushing on it and trying to have a baby was going over the edge.